On Marriage: Worth the Time to Read!!

Got this from a friend of mine who also serves with us at FamilyLife. Worth the time to read AND to ponder......

On Practicing Marriage
By Rev. Jon R. Nelson, Grace Lutheran Church, Wenatchee WA
For Scott and Kelly on their wedding – August 2009

Marriage is like golf, no one ever masters it. Marriage is not for everyone. Some have tried it and given up. Some just want to play at it but never want to practice to get better. Some want to cheat at it. Some talk about it better than they play. Some want to make up their own rules.

The fact is that when it comes to marriage, there are no professionals. There are none who have perfected the game. In marriage all are of amateur status and all carry a number of kinds of handicaps. Most spend more time in the rough and out of bounds than they care to admit. All know that for marriage, to not only survive but flourish to full joy, there must be on the part of both a good, balanced, solid footing for focus, follow through, and years and years of disciplined practice. Like golf, love and marriage are hard work. As circumstances and seasons change, as challenges arise, you must adjust your game. But the rules of the game continue over time. Marriage, like golf, is based on honor and integrity. It requires respect for the game and for your partner.

With golf, ones handicap is not fixed, it can increase or decrease; it is adjusted according to your “behavior.” Handicaps are intended to give all a fair shot; to level the playing field, so to speak. Some may be embarrassed by how high their handicap is because they too easily confuse it with who they are as a person, how successful or admired they are or hope to be. Suddenly they start playing for the gallery rather than the sheer joy of the game. Suddenly, numbers are more important than the names of those you are playing with and the game takes on a whole different meaning.

As for you, respect the nature of the relationship and live it with integrity and faithfulness. In marriage, who has “honors” is not bestowed on the basis of what you have done last, it is given out of love for who you are seen to be now. Don’t’ ever keep score in your head as to who is ahead or behind. Recognize that you each bring an array of handicaps coming into the relationship and that you just simply have to adjust to some of them. There are no par-or-better marriages; there are no course records nearing perfection. Play fair, play honorably, self-report infractions, penalize yourself, be charitable in relationship to your partner; and, never walk away from your marriage because you think the course is becoming too difficult. Remember that if you defeat your partner in marriage, no one wins – both lose. The game face of marriage is always one of loving forgiveness. The rules for marriage are all about the peace of Christ ruling in your heart. You are a well-matched twosome.

We give thanks to God this day for you and your relationship. May your marriage always be well played with compassion, kindness, humility, patience, confession, forgiveness, honor, and faithfulness. Amen.